London Dock Brochure

This weekend, there was an article in the Sunday Times (paywall) about the London Dock.

I assume the article is accurate, but given the accompanying map showed the location of the development as being the Sunday Times office rather than the actual location of the 15 acre site I wouldn’t put any money on it.

Sunday Times Map Map from London Docks brochure
(actual location)

The most eye catching fact from the article is the indicative price for a one bedroom flat, just shy of £700k. Whilst there are 485 affordable properties, this does seem rather expensive.

A total of 1,800 homes are planned, including about 485 affordable ones. And in the autumn, the first phase, Admiral Wharf, will be released to the market. Prices will range from £689,950 for a 570 sq ft one-bedder to at least £1.5m for a three-bedroom flat with more than 2,000 sq ft of living space.

Floor-to-ceiling glass, subtle lighting and private outside space will be the hallmarks. Swish penthouses with jaw-dropping river views are planned. Phase one won’t be finished until 2017, but the foundations will soon be laid, and the series of residential buildings, ranging from five to 25 storeys, will start to take shape.

Having read this article, I popped over to the London Dock website to look to see what information is available. Disappointly given the amount of brochure space explaining that London has good universities, theatres, shops and museums I’m assuming that existing residents of London aren’t necessarily the target market. As depressing as it is, I took solace by imagining Alan Partridge making a promotional video.

Some of the least informative snippets are reproduced below.
  • The Bedrooms are relaxing retreats, with generous spaces, floor to ceiling windows and subtle lighting – a place to escape from the pace of the capital.
  • From international designers to independent boutiques, London is one of the world’s best shopping destinations. Visitors from around the globe flock to the capital to experience its flourishing retail offering – from couture and designer fashion, jewellery and accessories, to the latest trends in interiors and furniture.
  • London is a unique city, where past and future combine to create a rich and diverse culture unlike any other.
  • Elegantly appointed, the apartments and penthouses at London Dock will redefine contemporary city living.
  • Inspired by the rich heritage of the area, interiors and technologies combine to create exceptional living spaces, with light and spacious Living Rooms and stylish Kitchens – the perfect place to entertain.
  • A fast-paced game of squash or training in the gymnasium is a great way to keep fit and healthy. For those who want to relax, enjoy a swim in the spectacular 20 metre swimming pool before unwinding in the Jacuzzi, sauna or steam room.
  • The City of London, characterised by cutting-edge glass and steel architecture, is the engine room of the capital’s financial industries. A stone’s throw from London Dock, this bustling cosmopolitan quarter features some of the world’s most iconic buildings and leading international organisations, reflecting its status as a global centre.
  • Warm and welcoming, subtle combinations of grey and beige emanate timeless elegance and style, reminiscent of a sunrise over the River Thames. Carefully chosen accents including stitched internal wardrobe details add a subtle finishing touch.
  • Unwind in a tranquil retreat, designed with your comfort in mind. Stylish and meticulously finished, the bedrooms form the perfect place to relax. 

However, the highlight for me is the legal disclaimer that ‘lifestyle images are indicative’. But what are the lifestyles depicting…
“Did you just fart?”
“Just a little”
“I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti”

Cut out the painting: all apartments come with a complimentary knife-free
chopping board still life arrangement to admire whilst drinking.

“Please help me, he’s holding me against my will…”

“For some reason we opened the door to this taxi
and then decided to talk to the driver before
getting in…what do you mean you won’t drive us 200m”
“For some reason I can’t seem to operate my iPad”

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